i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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