i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
My underwear smells like fireworks.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
