if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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