I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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