Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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