it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
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