actually, I'm a sock model
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
