how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
