I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
