Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Randomize
