eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
