whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
