i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize