its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
And the cops told us we were all naked.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
