i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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