Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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