Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
