If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
