I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
