3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
