Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
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