I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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