She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize