Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
There's always time for handjobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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