I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
