i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
