What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Randomize
