When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
