Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
