I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Come on in and take your pants off
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