Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
