You made me cry and you don't even care
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
