I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
