i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
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I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
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Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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