Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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