My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
