True but thats because hes a fetus.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
