haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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