I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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