Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Randomize
