Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Randomize
