Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
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I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"