Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today