Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
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He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
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You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?