see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
My pussy is not your playground.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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