hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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