ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
