I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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