Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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