i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
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Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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