Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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