I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
