If i could tip my vagina, i would.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
