The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
