I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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