my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Sext me about skeletons
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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