This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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