I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
