someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
