Why does Corona taste like a burp?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
